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Mad Addie - Track 1: A Turd of Warning

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Track 1: A Turd of Warning*

Addie Fujikazi: [narration] As we all know, things change, as we get older; our tastes, our goals, our desires, and our beliefs, all either become an extension of what they were before or go in an entirely different direction, altogether. I am certainly no exception to that rule. Things are about to change for me—a lot of things. I feel it in my bones…I feel it in my heart. The first thing that I know is about to change is my relationship status on Facebook, from “in a relationship with…” to “single.” But how does one go about that?

Mayuna Fujikazi: [no accent] “I’m home! Hey, Addie.”

Addie: [British accent] “Oi, Mayuna.”

Mayuna: “Something wrong, imōto? You seem kinda down.”

Addie: [sigh] “I’m thinking about breaking up with Akira-kun.”

Mayuna: “Aw, but you guys are so cute, together! Why do you wanna dump him?”

Addie: “I feel like he’s changed, since we’ve been together—he’s no longer paying for dates, he demands sexual stimulation on a regular basis, lately he’s been pressuring me into getting a pixie cut, even though I’ve made it clear I’m trying to grow my hair out…I honestly think it’s time to call it quits.”

Mayuna: “Well, that’s a shame. How long have you two been dating?”

Addie: “Li’l more than two years.”

Mayuna: “Oh, right—you guys hooked up shortly after you moved in with us.”

Addie: “That’s right.”

Mayuna: “You know how you’re gonna break it to him?”

Addie: “I’ve not the slightest inkling.” [Mayuna: “You and your British colloquialisms”] “Can you help? How do you think I should do it?”

Mayuna: “Well, the number one thing to do is break it to him, gently. Simply tell him that things are no longer working out between you two and that it’s over.”

Addie: “What if that doesn’t work? You know how persistent Akira-kun can be.”

Mayuna: “If he doesn’t let go then try being a little bit harsher—just keep upping the harshness until he gets the gist. That usually works.”

Addie: “And when all else fails?”

Mayuna: “When all else fails, call him a good-for-nothing buttmunch, pour scalding hot
water down his pants, slap him with a raw fish (if you can find one),  and then start making out with the next beautiful person you see.”

Addie: [stares in shock at Mayuna] “……”

Mayuna: [shrug] “Always works for me.”

Addie: “Well, I gotta go. Wish me luck.”

Mayuna: “Just remember what I told you, imōto: keep upping the harshness till he gets it!”

Addie: “Will do!”

A Little Bit Later…

Addie: “Akira-kun? Are you here? Akira-kun?”

Akira Todono: [singing] “Sekai de ichiban ohimesama, waka tteirukara, o mae ha ore no…yome!” [English: The number one princess in the world, I know that, so you are my…bride!]

Addie: [smile] [narration] Will I ever get over that voice? Probably not. God, it almost
makes my not want to dump him. But I have to…for me.

Akira: “How’s it going, Miss tea-drinker? You’ve decided you want to get a pixie cut like I said, right?”

Addie: “Ah, yes, about that…”

Akira: “Hm…?”

Addie: “Listen…I’ve been thinking, and…I—I think we need to see other people!”

Akira: “……Go home, Addie, you’re drunk.”

Addie: “No, I’m not! I’ve given this some serious thought, for the past few weeks, and I
think it’d be best if we no longer see each other.”

Akira: “What do you mean? What are you trying to say?”

Addie: [thinking] Time to up the harshness… [spoken] “Well, how do I put this…”
[sings “You Give Love a Bad Name” – Bon Jovi]

Akira: [tense] “Oh…I see…”

Addie: [spoken] “I’m sorry, Akira-kun.” [thinking] LOLno I’m not!

Akira: “Me too…I really thought what we had was special. Then again, we were each other’s
first love—I guess it’s for the best.”

Addie: “Thanks for understanding, Akira-kun. Well, I best be on my way—Aki’s making her
sushi, tonight.”

Akira: “Wait—what about one last goodbye-kiss?”

Addie: [sigh] “I suppose.”

SFX: [kiss]

Addie: “Goodbye, Akira.”

Akira: “You too, Addison.”

Addie: [chill] “……” [thinking] He’s never called me Addison, before…I didn’t think he even knew that was my real name.

That Evening…

Addie: “Oi, Aki.”

Aki Fujikazi: “Hi, onii-chan!”

Addie: “Dad not eating with us, tonight?”

Mayuna: “What else is new? So how’d the break-up go?”

Aki: “Didja hafta call him a buttmunch and slap him with a fish?”

Addie: [grin] “No. Actually, he took it a bit better than I thought he would.”

Mayuna: “Well, good then. I’m glad you got that all sorted out.”

Addie: “Yeah, but afterwards he called me Addison.”

Aki: “So?”

Addie: “So, I’ve never told him my real name was Addison.”

Mayuna: “Maybe it was a lucky guess?”

Addie: “No, he knew that was my name—I he had that look in his eyes.”

Mayuna: “That does sound weird. But I don’t think it’s anything worth worrying over.”

Aki: “Sushi’s done.”

Dad Fujikazi: “Aki, can you bring some over to me, please?”

Aki: “Sure thing, Daddy.”

Addie: [grumble] “As much as I love Dad, I’d just adore kicking him in the ball sack!”

Mayuna: “I know, but give him a break—losing Jennifer has really taken its toll on him.”

Addie: “Oh, and I suppose it hasn’t on me? Jennifer wasn’t just Dad’s lover, you know!”

Mayuna: “I know. I’m sorry, imōto…you’ve just been so tough…sometimes I forget that she
was your mother, too.”

Addie: “The only reason I’ve been so tough is because there’s no point in mourning the
dead—it doesn’t change anything. It’s been like that since forever, and yet people still
do it…sometimes I wish people would learn that as soon as I did.” [narration] My mother died of leukemia a couple of years ago. Until then I had lived with her in London—Dad would come up from Tokyo every so often with Mayuna, who is five years older than me, and the result of a failed marriage, unlike myself and Aki (six years younger than me), who are both illegitimate.

Mayuna: “Dad is getting better, though—lately he’s drinking one six pack a day instead of
two.”

Addie: “Well, I guess it’s an improvement.”

That Night…

Addie: [thinking] Why the hell am I even thinking about Akira calling me “Addison,”
anyway? Really, Mayuna’s absolutely right—it’s not worth worrying about!

SFX: [CLICK]

Addie: [thinking] Just go to sleep, Addie—tomorrow’s a new day.

???: “WAIT, ADDIE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!”

Addie: [shocked] “What the hell?! Who’s there?”

SFX: [CLICK]

Addie: [gasp]

Ziggy Stardust: “Oh, good, you’re still awake.”

Addie: “Who in God’s name are you?!”

Ziggy: “They call me Ziggy Stardust, but that’s not the point. I have to warn you about—”

Addie: “Ziggy Stardust? He’s just a fictional character!”

Ziggy: “So is Hatsune Miku, but her songs are still making more money than the silly
little jingles you right for your sister’s band.”

Addie: “How do you know about my sister’s band?”

Ziggy: “Because I’m dead.”

Addie: “……”

Ziggy: “……”

Addie: “Alright, I can see that I’ve clearly gone ‘round the bend, so I’m gonna do the
right thing here and turn myself in to the nearest insane asylum.”

Ziggy: “Wait! Wait! Just hear me out, Addie! I’ve got something really important to tell you!”

Addie: “What is it?”

Ziggy: “It’s about your ex-boyfriend, Akira Todono…”

Addie: “What about him?”

Ziggy: “Tomorrow afternoon, at exactly 5:08 p.m., he will break into your home, kill your
father, and kidnap your half-sisters.”

Addie: “What?!”

Ziggy: “He will then take them to the level Cantare in a realm called the NeitherWorld,
where he will hold them hostage until you turn yourself over to him. I don’t want to event imagine what he may do to them—especially young Aki!”

Addie: “Oh my God! I must not be going insane, after all…YOU ARE!! How long have you been
stalking me anyway, you bloody pervert?!”

Ziggy: “No, wait a second—!”

Addie: “First, you try and stalk me and my family, next you break into my room and watch me while I sleep, and then you make up this random bullshit about you being David Bowie—”

Ziggy: “Ziggy Stardust, thank you!”

Addie: “I’m sorry—‘Ziggy Stardust’—and that my ex plans on hurting my family? Honestly,
mister, what do you think this is, ‘Dr. Who?’ Everything you just said is obviously a
load of crap!”

Ziggy: “I’m telling you, it’s the truth! Your family really is in danger! All of you have
to leave before—”

SFX: [GRAB]

Addie: “Alright, I think we’ve heard about enough out of you, you perv! Now get out of my
room before I have to hurt you!”

Ziggy: “Please, you must listen to me! I’m trying to help you!”

Addie: “As am I—because believe you me, I once KO’d a forty-year-old body builder in one blow!”

SFX: [YANK]

Ziggy: “Fine, I’ll leave, I’ll leave! But at least think about it.”

Addie: “GET OUT OF MY ROOM, GET OUT OF MY ROOM, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!”

Ziggy: [pout] “I don’t have to take this! I’m getting out of your room!” [leaves]

Addie: [thinking] Son of a bitch…this is one hell of a dream I’m having.
This is the script for a manga that is currently in the planning stage, called "Mad Addie - Episode 1: Total Eclipse." Essentially, it's about a girl named Addie Fujikazi who discovers that her father has been murdered in his home and her two sisters, Mayuna and Aki, abducted by a supernatural being whom Addie had recently broken up with. To save her sisters, Addie travels to another dimension where she teams up with Ziggy Stardust, Freddie Mercury and Klaus Nomi, among several other different colorful characters. Music, madness and other words beginning with the letter "M" ensue.

Mad Addie's profile: [link]
-OTHER PROFILES COMING SOON!-

*working title
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Amanda-Graham's avatar
so the title is basically an attempt at a pun-ish bait for readers? *shrug*